YOU SHALL NOT PASS (on this side anyway)

I don't like the signs on the back of buses and commercial vehicles that tell cyclists what to do, that misrepresent the rules, that suggest somehow cyclists are below that vehicle and its driver in a pecking order and signs that are rude and give an orders to cyclists "KEEP BACK" or "DO NOT PASS...."like a motoring Gandalf on steroids!

Having said that I know that some people on bikes might need a reminder of the risks, so I'll admit it; I appreciate those signs on the back of buses and trucks that advise cyclists about passing on the inside.

It is horrifying watching other cyclists riding up the inside of these vehicles while I'm choosing not to take insane risks. I've even been sworn at by other riders for not leaving than a nice clear run to risk their lies in this way - I rarely swear but for those people I'm happy to make an exception.

Cycling home tonight I wondered what sign I'd like to put on the back of my bike for the motorists around here ....

Maybe "don't pass so close to me" - especially for the idiot in a Range Rover who did it several times last week and then after trying to scare me by chucking tons of metal around got out looking for a fight - hope he found one because I wasn't about to oblige and cut across a pavement to avoid having to join in.

Or perhaps "don't pass me when there isn't room"

"Don't pass me and then turn left"

"Don't pass me when you are stopping"

"Don't pass me when it isn't safe"

"Don't pass me while you're distracted"

And while I'm at it there would be a few others for other things I see most days:

"Don't pass me when you are smoking dope"

"Don't pass me when you're on the phone"

There is a problem though!

If I get all of that on the sign big enough to read then I'll need a bus to put it on the back of, and then they wouldn't mess anyway, would they?