Please excuse my slightly Northern habit of shortening names but may I call you Boris, or Bozza or maybe Bozz?
I think we'll stick with Bozz!
So anyway Bozz I've been in that there London today and I have to say that you've got some fairly decent stuff down there. You seem awfully keen on knowing what time it is what with the posh clocks all over the place; I especially like the ones in Fleet Street and the one at the Palace of Westminster which is not too shabby alongside ours on the Town Hall in Rochdale - good isn't it?
Anyway Bozz the thing I didn't like so much was the traffic and indeed the roads you have down here. In particular I thought it was a shame that you've got all that extra paint on the road with pictures of bikes, buses, taxis and motorbikes alongside them - they might look fancy but they don't seem to do much really do they? Anyway I don't suppose that's your fault.
I noticed that some of the people on the roads are a bit confused and are not sure when to go, when to stop and when they ought to just get out of the vehicle and hand in the keys to the nearest Police Station. And some of the taxi drivers seem to have filled their heads so full of "the knowledge" that they can't remember some of the more basic stuff; one today even tried to pass me as I cycled along Fleet Street even though he was about to turn left, it's OK though because I ignored the paint on the road which might have confused him and put myself and my bike in a good visible (primary or control for the experts) position and made him wait a moment.
A little later I came across another "taxi driver of the overflowing brains" who didn't like being behind me even though there wasn't enough room to pass. When there was room I considerately left him a bit of extra space so he could pass safely and then I discovered a problem with your traffic lights. It seems that some of them don't work on some of the taxis and some of the bikes; best get them seen to eh! Of course I realise it isn't your fault!
I hear lots about the dangerous tipper trucks and wondered why you encourage cyclists to use a little lane on the left and then move forward into the Advanced Stop Lane (ASL) at traffic lights. I'm sure you must have a good reason for the way the roads are marked and I'm sure that those people who did what the road markings suggest, and then got killed by trucks didn't really mind, and I'm sure their families understand. Of course it's not your fault.
Hope you don't mind but I chose not to use those little lanes and the ASLs but queued with the rest of the traffic which seemed to be OK with that.
While I was riding around I couldn't help noticing that I didn't see many of the famous London bobbies around the place except at the railway station. I thought I saw one on the embankment beside your river but as he was on stilts and smiling a lot I decided he probably wasn't a real one. I expect that you don't need them out an about on the streets because everyone is so safe. It isn't really your fault but you really ought to know better, shouldn't you?
You might be able to make things a bit better by policing the traffic a bit more, you know things like dealing with people going too fast, cutting across lanes, parking in dodgy spots "only for a minute" and especially knocking other people over by not looking properly. You could make it even better by creating and enforcing a 20mph speed limit all over your town and by keeping cars and stuff off more of your roads.
I saw qute a few people in cars, trucks and buses being a bit silly with the way they were driving and was a bit bothered that they might hurt somebody. Finally I should mention that I saw some people on bikes and a few pedestrians do really silly stuff and they could have got themselves hurt which would also be a shame, wouldn't it?
Anyway Bozz that's all for now.
If you want to talk about how to run your city a little bit better I can help or I can arrange for you talk to some friends of mine who know lots about this stuff. You can call me Seamus, or Mr Kelly - well you know how us northerners don't like having our names shortened don't you.