Please excuse my slightly Northern habit of shortening names but may I call you Boris, or Bozza or maybe Bozz?
I think we'll stick with Bozz!
So
anyway Bozz I've been in that there London today and I have to say that
you've got some fairly decent stuff down there. You seem awfully keen
on knowing what time it is what with the posh clocks all over the place;
I especially like the ones in Fleet Street and the one at the Palace of
Westminster which is not too shabby alongside ours on the Town Hall in
Rochdale - good isn't it?
Anyway Bozz the thing I didn't like so much
was the traffic and indeed the roads you have down here. In particular I
thought it was a shame that you've got all that extra paint on the road
with pictures of bikes, buses, taxis and motorbikes alongside them -
they might look fancy but they don't seem to do much really do they?
Anyway I don't suppose that's your fault.
I
noticed that some of the people on the roads are a bit confused and are
not sure when to go, when to stop and when they ought to just get out
of the vehicle and hand in the keys to the nearest Police Station. And
some of the taxi drivers seem to have filled their heads so full of "the
knowledge" that they can't remember some of the more basic stuff; one
today even tried to pass me as I cycled along Fleet Street even though
he was about to turn left, it's OK though because I ignored the paint on
the road which might have confused him and put myself and my bike in a
good visible (primary or control for the experts) position and made him
wait a moment.
A
little later I came across another "taxi driver of the overflowing
brains" who didn't like being behind me even though there wasn't enough
room to pass. When there was room I considerately left him a bit of
extra space so he could pass safely and then I discovered a problem with
your traffic lights. It seems that some of them don't work on some of
the taxis and some of the bikes; best get them seen to eh! Of course I
realise it isn't your fault!
I
hear lots about the dangerous tipper trucks and wondered why you
encourage cyclists to use a little lane on the left and then move
forward into the Advanced Stop Lane (ASL) at traffic lights. I'm sure
you must have a good reason for the way the roads are marked and I'm
sure that those people who did what the road markings suggest, and then
got killed by trucks didn't really mind, and I'm sure their families
understand. Of course it's not your fault.
Hope
you don't mind but I chose not to use those little lanes and the ASLs
but queued with the rest of the traffic which seemed to be OK with that.
While
I was riding around I couldn't help noticing that I didn't see many of
the famous London bobbies around the place except at the railway
station. I thought I saw one on the embankment beside your river but as
he was on stilts and smiling a lot I decided he probably wasn't a real one. I
expect that you don't need them out an about on the streets because
everyone is so safe. It isn't really your fault but you really ought to
know better, shouldn't you?
You
might be able to make things a bit better by policing the traffic a bit
more, you know things like dealing with people going too fast, cutting
across lanes, parking in dodgy spots "only for a minute" and especially
knocking other people over by not looking properly. You could make it even better by creating
and enforcing a 20mph speed limit all over your town and by keeping cars
and stuff off more of your roads.
I
saw qute a few people in cars, trucks and buses being a bit silly with
the way they were driving and was a bit bothered that they might hurt
somebody. Finally I should mention that I saw some people on bikes and a
few pedestrians do really silly stuff and they could have got
themselves hurt which would also be a shame, wouldn't it?
Anyway Bozz that's all for now.
If
you want to talk about how to run your city a little bit better I can
help or I can arrange for you talk to some friends of mine who know lots
about this stuff. You can call me Seamus, or Mr Kelly - well you know
how us northerners don't like having our names shortened don't you.
Careful now!
